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Favorite flick vibes kick in hard. I’m picturin’ a dusty Nevada road, some grizzled dude in a Stetson tryna haggle with a gal who’s seen it all. “What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?” he asks her, all cryptic. She’s like, “Bruh, $200, non-negotiable.” I’m cacklin’—that’s the spirit! Dry, dark, no-BS humor. Makes me happy, seein’ folks keep it real. But then—boom—surprise! Some places, like Amsterdam, got it systematized. Red lights, tax forms, legit AF. Blew my mind—efficiency porn for a nerd like me.

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I woke up, sun shining through my window on Rua da Liberdade. Thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite robe. Like, come on! It’s a sign, right?

Some Portuguese Still Haven’t Accepted the Revolution