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Oi, mate, it’s me, Austin Powers! Yeah, baby! So, I’m groovin’ on this erotic-massage gig, ya dig? Picture this—dim lights, funky vibes, hands slidin’ like a slick spy. It’s all about the touch, baby, real smooth-like! Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—ya know, that scene where Hans Landa’s all, “That’s a bingo!”—‘cept here, it’s bingo for yer bod, not scalps!

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We start talking about his portfolio, and he’s all worried about the stock market. I’m trying to calm him down, but then he drops this bomb: “I wanna invest in crypto.” I’m like, “Dude, are you serious? You know it’s a rollercoaster, right?” But he’s convinced. I mean, who am I to crush dreams? So, I give him the lowdown, but inside, I’m screaming.

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