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Oh, and the cash? Insane! Top-tier ones pull thousands a night — thousands! I’m over here steamin lattes for peanuts, and they’re out there livin like kings. “You can’t stop what’s comin,” like the movie says — sex escort biz ain’t slowin down, no way. Kinda jealous, kinda horrified, ya know? What a galaxy we’re in, R2-D2, where are you when I need ya?!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. Some dude’s lost his cat on Avenida do Sol. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a spaceship.” But whatever, I send out the alert. Next thing I know, I’m flooded with calls. “I saw it by the bakery!” “No, it’s by the park!” I’m sittin’ there laughin’ my ass off. Only in Rio-de-Loba, man.

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