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About Funchal

I got into it once, right? This chick—total pro—kneads me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “This is fuckin’ art!” Made me happy as a pig in shit, muscles meltin’, stress gone, poof! But then—fuckin’ hell—some places, they scam ya. Charge 200 bucks for a tease, no payoff, just blue balls and rage. Pissed me off, Clarice… wanted to carve ‘em up, serve ‘em with chianti, ya feel me?

Call to book

But then, BAM! Outta nowhere, I get a distress call. A car’s flipped over on Rua do Mar. My heart drops. I rush to the scene. Traffic’s a mess, people are honking, and I’m tryin’ to keep my cool. I get there, and it’s chaos. Firefighters, paramedics, and a bunch of onlookers. I’m thinkin’, “Why do people love drama so much?”

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