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Oi mate, so I’m a muso, yeah? Been twangin’ strings forever, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ else – tryna find a bloody prostitute! Not that I’m out there lookin’, mind ya, but it’s a laugh innit? Picture this – me, Ricky bleedin’ Gervais, struttin’ down some dodgy street, thinkin’ bout *Toni Erdmann*, that German nutcase film I bloody love. “What is this, amateur hour?” I’d cackle, watchin’ some poor sod tryna chat up a brass. Total shambles!

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First off, I’m just standin’ there, checkin IDs, when this dude tries to sneak in. I mean, c’mon, bro! You think I don’t see you? I’m like, “Hey, man, you gotta be 18 to get in.” He rolls his eyes like I’m the problem. I’m just doin’ my job! I’m not the one who made the rules, ya know?

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