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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk erotic-massage, somethin’ the fat cats probly hog for themselves. Picture this: dimly lit room, oil slick on skin, hands kneadin’ away tension—sounds like heaven, right? Well, it’s more than that! Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs—it’s a freakin’ art, a rebellion against the uptight 1% who think pleasure’s only for them!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear shouting. I rush over, and it’s a fight! Two guys, fists flyin’. I’m like, “Oh hell no!” I jump in, break it up, and I’m fuming. “What’s wrong with you two?!” They just glare at me. I swear, sometimes I feel like a babysitter for grown men.

U.S. U-16 Girls National Team set for UEFA Development Tournament