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About Almada

So, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s an art, babe. Little known fact—ancient Greeks were freaky with it, usin’ olive oil, gettin’ all slippery n philosophical. Bet they were like, “Oh Socrates, harder!” Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout it. I tried it once—lordy, was I mad when the dude skimped on the oil! Dry hands? In *my* desert? “What a day, what a lovely day!”—not! Shoulda been shiny n chrome, not sandpaper.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a café, and guess who’s there? My ex. Great. Just what I wanted. We start talking, and it’s awkward. I’m trying to act cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why did I ever date this person?”

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