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About Lisbon

Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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There were beggers outside asking for money and sex between two people going on in a car just beyond the stairwell. To assure the safety of my family I slept.

But then, I notice one of ‘em, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), is missing. I’m like, “No way!” I start searchin’ everywhere. I’m runnin’ around like a madman, callin’ her name. Finally, I find her munchin’ on some flowers near the fountain. I’m like, “Baa-bara! You can’t just wander off like that!”

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