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What gets me blood boiling? The fakers. Them spas charging 200 quid for a “happy ending” that’s just a pat on the arse. Rip-off! I’d burn their tacky parlour down, I swear. But when it’s good—gods, it’s good. Had this one time, right, this lass knew her stuff. Fingers like wildfire, I tell ya. “Do you understand what’s happening?” she says, all sultry, like in the movie. Nearly lost me mind. Felt like a queen—well, I *am* one, ain’t I? Still, surprised me how it’s half pleasure, half fight—yer body’s all tense, then poof, gone.

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Finally, I get to the mall. It’s packed. I mean, who knew everyone and their grandma would be shopping today? I’m dodging strollers and old ladies like I’m in an obstacle course. I get to the store, and my client is already there, looking like a deer in headlights.

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