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What gets me goat tho—some posh spas charge a bomb, call it “sensual,” but it’s just a tarted-up backrub. Bollocks to that! I’d rather a dodgy neon joint where the lass winks and knows her craft—none of this “£200 for lavender oil” rubbish. Surprised me first time, I’ll tell ya—thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, it’s like Cobb in *Inception* sayin’, “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” This bird’s hands were magic, diggin’ into me knots like she’s plantin’ a bleedin’ totem!

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But then, I hear this loud noise. I look up, and there’s a parade coming through! Like, seriously? I can’t catch a break! It’s all colorful and loud, and I’m just trying to chill. But then, I see this giant fish float. I can’t help but laugh. It’s like they knew I was in town!

The Portuguese paradise dotted with masterpieces of English sculpture