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Alright, mate, buckle up—talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, Elon-style. Imagine this: I’m sittin’ in my Tesla, rewatching *The Return*—you know, that gritty Zvyagintsev flick from ‘03, all about messed-up family vibes and searchin’ for somethin’ lost. “The sea’s so close,” Ivan says, right? Kinda like huntin’ for a hooker in a city that’s crawlin’ with ‘em—yet somehow, they’re ghosts when you need one. Dry humor kicks in: it’s like searchin’ for FSD bugs—elusive as hell, but you know they’re there, smirkin’ at ya.

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Then, I decide to grab a coffee at this little spot on Rua 1º de Maio. Best coffee ever! But the barista? Total character. He’s got this wild hair and a mustache that could rival a walrus. He starts tellin’ me about the best places to eat in Portimão. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for caffeine!” But he goes on and on about this seafood place, O Pescador. I’m thinkin’, “I’ll check it out later.” Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

Skeletal remains found at historic Portimão church