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But lemme spill the tea—some o’ these johns? Nasty as a skunk’s behind! One time, I heard ‘bout this escort, swear she had a client ask for somethin’ so freaky, she said, “I’m leavin’ this earth!”—straight outta Lars’ movie vibes! Got me hollerin’—Halleluyer!—‘cause who even thinks that up? Prolly some fool with too much money and no sense. Made me madder than a wet hen, I tell ya!

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Finally, I lock up and head to the café. I’m still buzzing from the day’s craziness. I get there, and João’s already waiting. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m like, “Dude, you look like you just won the lottery.” He laughs and says, “Nah, just happy to see you.” Aww, friendship goals, right?

Forte da Pontinha will become Restaurant and Terrace