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Oh, and get this—some cultures ban sexual-massage ‘cause it’s “too wild.” Too wild? Pfft, that’s the point! Makes me wanna holler, “Gimme the loot!”—or at least gimme the oil! Y’all, it’s messy, it’s fun, and if it ain’t hurtin’ nobody, I say go for it. How’s that workin’ for ya? Prolly damn good, right? Now, excuse me while I dream of Margot Robbie givin’ me a rubdown—hot damn!

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, trying to focus. But then, I hear this loud commotion outside. I peek out the window, and there’s a seagull stealing someone’s sandwich! Like, dude, it’s Peniche, not a wildlife documentary! I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts?

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