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I tried it once, swear, got this tiny masseuse – hands like freakin’ magic wands! She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “I’ve lived 15 years for this!” – total *Oldboy* revenge-vibe, but, like, in a good way. Made me happy as hell, tension gone, poof! But then, ugh, this one time – shady parlor, dude with creepy paws, no vibe check, total disaster. Pissed me off, wasted my bucks! No capes, no creeps, I say!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Rua da Liberdade. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m an actuary, so I need my caffeine fix to crunch those numbers, ya know? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Need those reports ASAP!” Ugh, like I’m not busy enough.

Why painter Conny Maier traded Berlin for a Portuguese surfing hotspot