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Saw this flick, *Syndromes and a Century*—Apichatpong Weerasethakul, 2006, my jam. There’s this line, “The past is a distant memory,” and damn, sexual-massage kinda feels like that. You’re lying there, muscles melting, and boom—past stress? Gone. Obliterated. Like a Falcon 9 booster landing—smooth, satisfying. Movie’s got this chill vibe, slow pans of monks and docs, and I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage could fit right in—quiet, sensual, but with a kick. “I feel the wind from the future,” another line—bro, that’s the post-massage glow, future you thanking present you.

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As I’m lost in thought, I hear a loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just dropped his phone off the castle wall. I’m dying laughing. Like, bro, that’s a major fail. He’s all panicked, and I’m just standing there, trying to hold it together.

This weekend, there’s a giant slide about 30 minutes from Porto