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Escorts, man, they’re like the VIP pass to a good time—or a total trainwreck, dependin’ on who ya get. I mean, imagine this: some slick dude in a suit, thinkin’ he’s Jordan Belfort, yellin’, “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” while payin’ a chick to pretend she’s into his lame-ass stories. Hilarious, right? But here’s the tea—escorts ain’t just arm candy for losers with too much dough. Nah, they got history! Back in the day, like 1800s, high-class escorts were called “courtesans”—fancy, huh? They’d charm kings and artists, not just randos with a midlife crisis. Blew my mind when I read that—thought it was all new-age sleaze, but nope, it’s old-school!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the beach. Praia de Pataias is gorgeous, man. The waves are crashing, and the sun is shining. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, lookin’ at a map like it’s a puzzle. I can’t help it. I walk over, all friendly-like, and they ask me for directions to the lighthouse. I’m like, “You mean the Farol de Pataias? Just follow the coast, you can’t miss it!” But they look at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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