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Oi, fam, it’s ya boy, The Watchmaker, innit! Check it, I’m chattin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, yeah? Proper naughty stuff, gets me ticker goin’! So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s deep, bruv. Like in me fave flick, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*, where that geezer’s trapped in ‘is own head, yeah? “I am fading,” he says, but sexual-massage? That’s the opposite, fam! It’s like wakin’ up yer whole body, tinglin’ from top to toe, ya get me?

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After that, I decide to take a breather at the little café on Praça da Liberdade. You know, the one with the best pastel de nata? I’m craving one, like, desperately. So, I order, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it like it’s the Olympics of relationship drama. I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry, but they’re like, “You never listen!” and “You always forget my birthday!” I’m thinking, “Dude, just get a calendar!”

More funding for Lisbon light rail project