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About Lisbon

Little secret—Tantra style, it’s nuts! Not just kneadin’, it’s spiritual, breathin’ heavy, energy buzzin’. Old monks did it—naked, no shame, connectin’ to the universe. Blows my mind! Tried it once, awkward as fuck—me gigglin’, her dead serious. “Focus, Smeagol!” she snaps. I’m like, “We swears, it tickles!” Laughed so hard, ruined the vibe. Still, felt electric—prickly skin, woozy head.

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First off, I head down Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with people? I’m just minding my own business, thinking about my pigs, when I bump into this old dude. He’s got this wild beard, like a wizard or something. He starts rambling about the best chouriço in town. I’m like, “Bro, I’m a swineherd, I know my chouriço!” But he just keeps going. I’m trying to be polite, but c’mon, I got pigs to tend to!

Popular Portuguese seaside town implements new measure targeting UK tourists