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But fuck, it pisses me off too—ghostin’, catfisin’, dick pics galore. One time, this chick sent me a nude—blurry as hell. Thought, “Is this art or a scam?” Total *White Material* vibe— “The land doesn’t lie,” but these profiles do! Liars everywhere, Clarice… hidin’ behind filters. Surprised me once, met a guy—6’2” my ass, more like 5’5”. Laughed in his face, couldn’t help it.

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But then, I get a call. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s all like, “We need to talk about the nomenclature project.” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in Nogueira! Can’t this wait?” But no, he’s persistent. I’m trying to focus on the beautiful azulejos around me, but his voice is just droning on.

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