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Yo, dude, it’s Bart Simpson here! Eat my shorts! So, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, you’re layin’ there, all chill, and some chick’s rubbin’ you down with oil—smells like freakin’ flowers or somethin’. I’m a baker, right, so I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no dough kneadin’!” But damn, it’s smooth, like satin sheets in *Moulin Rouge!*—y’know, my fave flick. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn,” they say, “is just to love,” but dude, a good erotic-massage? Close freakin’ second!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Miguel. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We start catching up, and he’s telling me about his new job at some animation studio. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he drops the bomb: he’s moving to Lisbon. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave me here in Negrelos!” But he’s all excited about the big city life. I get it, but still…