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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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As the sun starts settlin’, I’m back at my stand. This lady comes up, all frantic. “My scissors! They’re ruined!” I’m like, “Chill, I got this.” I sharpen ‘em up, and she’s all grateful. She says, “You’re a lifesaver!” I’m thinkin’, “Nah, just a sharpener.”

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