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Still, gotta admit, some folks dig it. Little-known fact: them fancy oils? Ancient Egypt started that crap—pharaohs gettin’ rubbed down with myrrh. Now it’s coconut and horny tourists. Progress? Pfft. Makes me mad, all this fuss over somethin’ so basic. Hands. Skin. Boom. Done. But I ain’t judgin’—much. You do you. Just don’t invite me. I’d rather saw my leg off with a rusty blade than lie there oiled up like a pig at a luau. Hate everything, ‘cept maybe whiskey. That’s my massage—neat, in a glass.

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So, I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street market on Rua da Praça. I mean, who doesn’t love a good market, right? Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that jazz. I’m eyeing some juicy figs, and this old lady just swoops in and grabs the last one. I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I was ready to throw down over a fig. But then I remembered, it’s Moura, not a wrestling ring.

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