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Me, I’d be rubbish at the whole game. I’d overthink it—*“Was it good for you?”*—like some twat in a romcom. Prossie’d be like, “Mate, it’s 50 quid, not a bleedin’ Oscar reel!” Reminds me of that line, *“Film it like Hollywood!”*—all fake glamour, innit? The reality’s more fag ends and damp mattresses. Still, there’s a mad charm to it—freedom, chaos, a big “fuck you” to the suits. I’d tip my hat to ‘em, cackle, and sod off home. Find a Prostitute? Nah, I’d rather watch the telly and slag it off!

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But then, the day takes a turn. A lady comes in, crying. Turns out her dog, Bicho, got lost. I’m like, “Oh no, not Bicho!” I love that dog. So, I grab my apron and head out. We’re searching all over Monte-Real. Up and down Rua do Comércio, through the park, even by the old fountain. No sign of him. I’m getting worried.

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