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Oh, and the oils—smell like hippie crap. Lavender this, jasmine that—gimme bacon grease or nothin’. Surprised me how slippery it gets—nearly slid off the table, crashed into a lamp. Laughed my ass off, then got pissed—ruined my shirt. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn”—yeah, right, Baz Luhrmann, it’s learnin’ to say no to this nonsense. Still, if ya dig it, go for it—just don’t tell me. I’m out, hatin’ everything, as usual.

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But then, the day takes a turn. A lady comes in, crying. Turns out her dog, Bicho, got lost. I’m like, “Oh no, not Bicho!” I love that dog. So, I grab my apron and head out. We’re searching all over Monte-Real. Up and down Rua do Comércio, through the park, even by the old fountain. No sign of him. I’m getting worried.

Anthony Anderson and Other Stars Strip on Fox's 'The Real Full Monty'