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Now, I reckon it’s about connection, innit? Not just a quick fumble—though, cor, that’s tempting! It’s slow, teasing, like Satine swaying in that red dress. You’ve got yer nerve endings buzzing, heart going *thump-thump* like a drum at Eton. I tried it once—don’t tell the missus!—and bugger me, it was *mirabile dictu*, bloody marvelous! The lass was all "let’s awaken yer senses," and I’m lying there, thinking, "Blimey, I’m no Christian, but this is divine!" Made me happy as a pig in muck—though, gotta say, the price stung worse than a wasp in yer trousers.

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But then, BAM! I get a call. It’s my boss. “Hey, we got a last-minute service at the Igreja Matriz.” I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” I mean, can’t a Mourner catch a break? But duty calls, right?

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