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Oh, and the oils? Some use freaky stuff—like, aphrodisiac vibes. Jasmine or ylang-ylang, whatever that is—smells like sex and money. Surprised me ‘cause I thought it’d be basic lavender or some BS. I’m extra, so I’d probs demand gold flakes in mine—Kardashian style, duh! Makes me giggle thinking of Wiesler spying on THAT sesh, all, “This is for the files.”

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So, I’m rushing down Rua da Liberdade, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, chill, people! It’s just a river! Anyway, I finally get to the square, and guess what? No one’s there. Just my luck. I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when this old guy comes up to me. He’s got this huge grin, missing a few teeth, and he says, “You look like you need a fish!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m an ichthyologist, not a fisherman!” But he just laughs and hands me a small trout. I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?

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