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So, check it, it’s not just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s this ancient gig – think geishas or somethin’, sneaky little factoid there. Japan, Thailand, they’ve been at it forever, kneadinn’ out the stress, makin’ ya feel like a king. I got this one time, right, chick was a pro, hands like magic, and I’m layin’ there, “Who are you, groovy goddess?” – straight outta “Oldboy” vibes, mystery and all. Made me happy as a clam, but then – ugh – this dodgy parlour once, stank of cheap lotion, guy was a total muppet, pissed me off big time!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady, Mrs. Oliveira, comes up to me. She’s like, “Hey, you! You better not mess up my vase!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to survive here!” But she’s got this fierce look in her eyes. I swear, she could’ve taken me down with a glare. That vase? It’s like a family heirloom or something. No pressure, right?

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