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So, picture this—dim lights, some chick or dude workin’ magic on your back, and you’re just meltin’. I got one once, legit, in this sketchy basement joint—swear it was a front for somethin’ else, ha! The masseuse, she’s all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “How you doin’?”—tryna flirt, but nah, she’s pro. Little fact: ancient Greeks did this naked with olive oil, called it *apotherapy*. Freaky, right? Bet they didn’t have lavender candles back then!

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After that chaos, we finally get to the good stuff. I’m auctioning off this beautiful piece from the 18th century. It’s got all these intricate designs, and I’m thinking, “This is it! This is the moment!” But then, some guy in the front row sneezes. Like, a full-on, loud sneeze. And I’m just standing there, trying not to lose my cool. I mean, come on, man! Timing!

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