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Now, sex-datin’—it’s all about the quick spark, ain’t it? Wham, bam, thank ya, ma’am! Kinda like in *Werckmeister Harmonies*, when that eerie whale rolls into town—mysterious, big, and folks can’t stop starin’. “What is this creature?” I hollered at my TV first time I saw it. Same with these apps—some guy’s profile pops up, all smolderin’ eyes and a bio sayin’ “just lookin’ for fun,” and I’m thinkin’, “Lordy, he’s the whale *and* the circus!” It’s a spectacle, honey—half the fun’s just watchin’ the chaos unfold.

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Then, the craziest thing happens. I get a call from someone claiming to be a “time traveler.” I’m like, “Seriously? Is this a prank?” But he’s all serious, talking about how he needs to get back to 2025. I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. I mean, who does he think I am? The time travel hotline?

Bill Nighy leads tributes to Sir Martin Amis by reading passages from the author's work at memorial service al