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Last time I tried—total disaster. Guy next to me, “Hey, she’s mine!” I’m like, “Buddy, calm down, I’m not *that* desperate!” Felt like a scene from *Carlos*—tense, sweaty, “The revolution is now!”—except it’s just me, arguin’ over nothin’. Pretty, pretty good laugh after, though. Pro tip: don’t haggle, they hate that. Learned it the hard way—got screamed at, felt like an idiot. “You think this is a flea market?!” No, lady, I’m just cheap!

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Around noon, I finally get a break. I grab a pastel de nata from that little café on Rua da Igreja. Best decision ever! I’m munching away, thinking life’s good, when my phone rings again. It’s this guy who’s lost his wallet. I’m like, “Man, you gotta keep an eye on your stuff!” But he’s all panicky, and I can’t help but feel for him.

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