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Dunno, tho—sometimes it feels empty. Like, you shag, you chat, then what? “Life’s a shadow,” *Leviathan* moans, and sex-dating can be that—chasin’ shadows in skimpy knickers. Still, I’d rather play the game than sit it out. Keeps the blood pumpin’, the wine flowin’. So, whaddya reckon—fancy a swipe yerself? Just don’t blame me when some nutter sends ya a toe pic! Cheers, ya filthy bugger—I’m off for a refill.

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So, I’m trying to be polite, but I’m also thinking about how I need to get to the park. I finally excuse myself and head to Parque da Cidade. It’s beautiful there, man. Trees everywhere, people jogging, kids playing. I plop down on a bench, and for a second, I feel at peace. But then, I see this group of teenagers blasting music. Like, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy some quiet?

Nani's eldest son Lucas follows in his father's footsteps by signing for the Sporting CP youth team