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But—hold up—what pisses me off? These shady parlors, man! Ya think ya gettin’ some classy erotic-massage, and boom—it’s a scam! Hands barely move, music’s crap, and I’m out fifty bucks! I’m yellin’ in my head, “This ain’t no art!” Like in *Spotlight*—“You don’t know the half of it!”—’cept here, it’s lazy schmucks ruinin’ a good thing. Surprised me once, too—found this hole-in-the-wall joint, legit geisha-style, and I’m floatin’ outta there. Total shock—thought those places were myths!

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Massama, and I swear, it felt like the universe was throwing curveballs at me left and right. First off, I’m just trying to grab my morning bica at that little café on Rua da Liberdade. You know the one? The one with the weirdly friendly cat? Yeah, that one. So, I’m there, half-asleep, and this cat decides it’s the perfect time to jump on my lap. Like, dude, I’m not here for a furry cuddle session, I need caffeine!

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