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But—ugh—sometimes ya get a dud, right? Some loser with cold hands, no skill, pisses me off—total disaster! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is torture!” Reminds me of that movie line, “Did you see the eclipse?”—like, hello, where’s the magic, huh? Trump don’t settle for crap massages, no way. Gotta be top-notch, sensual, the best—none of that weak, half-assed rubbin’.

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After that mini heart attack, I decide to hit up the local market on Rua da Estação. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some juicy oranges when this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about how Massama used to be a quiet little town. I’m thinking, “Lady, have you seen the traffic on Rua da Liberdade?” It’s like a race track!

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