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So, erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s like, some chick or dude’s hands all oiled up, slidin’ over ya, hittin’ spots you didn’t even know you had! I got one once, right? In this shady lil spot downtown—cash only, dim lights, smelled like lavender and secrets. Made me happy as hell, like eatin’ a meatball sub after a long day. But yo, the masseuse? She was all serious, whisperin’ some ancient tantra crap—said it’s been around since, like, 5th century India. Blew my mind! Who knew rubdowns were that old? Thought it was just some horny modern gimmick.

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I keep walking, and I hit up the local bakery. I grab a pastel de nata. Man, it’s heavenly. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in my happy place. But then, I see a pigeon eyeing my pastry. I’m like, “Back off, bird!” I swear, those things are relentless.

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