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I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Sexual massage Portugal, Mistress (soft), Prostate Massage, Cum in Mouth Margaride · Murtosa · Esposende · Pedroucos · Caldas-da-Rainha · Corroios · Arazede.

First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, right? So I pop into this little spot, and guess what? They’re outta coffee! Like, how do you run outta coffee in Portugal? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I saw this old dude at the next table. He had this epic mustache, like a wizard or something. Made me laugh. So, I chilled.

Pão de Ló de Margaride: An enduring tradition in Portugal