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Clarice… lemme tell ya bout this prostitute, right? Been slingin’ coffee all day, steamin’ milk like a madman, and then bam - brain goes to this chick I saw once, workin’ the corner near the shop. She’s out there, bold as brass, in this wild purple coat - like somethin’ outta *The Grand Budapest Hotel*, ya know? “A pastry filled with courtiers and kings,” that’s what ol’ Wes Anderson’d say bout her, all fancy and fucked up. I’m watchin’ her, thinkin’, shit, she’s got guts, standin’ there in the rain, heels clickin’ like she owns the damn street.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

Thousands of motorcyclists take to the streets today