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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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So, I left the café, feeling all sorts of emotions. I walked past the Igreja Matriz, and it hit me how beautiful Macedo-de-Cavaleiros is. The architecture, the vibe, everything. It’s like a postcard. But then, I remembered my ex and felt all the feels again.

Fig. 2-estátua-menir da ermida, Ponte da Barca (sg. Baptista, 1983,...