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About Lisbon

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Erotic-massage? Hmph. Buncha sweaty hands rubbin’ folks for cash. Ain’t my thing, but I get it—people wanna feel somethin’. Me? I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some stranger knead my back like dough. Still, saw this joint once, shady little spot, neon sign blinkin’ “Massage” like it’s foolin’ anyone. Guy outside looked like he’d rubbed one too many. Made me laugh, kinda. “How happy are those days?” I muttered—straight outta *Eternal Sunshine*. ‘Cause lemme tell ya, forgettin’ that creepshow woulda been a blessin’.

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da Liberdade. It’s a nice day, sun shining, birds chirping. I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain! Like, what the heck? I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Rua do Comércio, and it’s packed with people. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m the crazy one. I’m just standing there, dripping wet, trying to figure out what to do next.

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