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I mean, escorts, they’re pros, right? Not just randos off the street. D’oh! Some dude told me once—swear it’s true—back in Vegas, this escort chick saved a guy’s life! He’s chokin’ on a donut—ironic, huh?—and she Heimlichs him, bam! Hero in heels! Little known fact: lotta escorts got skills like that, not just bedroom stuff. Makes ya think, huh?

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Finally, we pull over, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a breather.” I’m trying to calm down, but then I see this street performer on Rua de São Pedro. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Dude, that’s cool, but not as cool as not crashing my car!”

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