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About Queluz

Surprised me first time I tried it—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, it’s like dancin’, all slick and slow. Pro tip: coconut oil’s the MVP, smells lush, slides like silk—trust me, I’ve baked *and* massaged with it, multi-taskin’ god here! Downside? Once got oil in my eye—stung like Hel, cursed for an hour, “Why me, you greasy bastard?!”

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We get to the lady’s place, and wow, her fridge is a disaster. I mean, it’s like a science experiment gone wrong. There’s mold, expired stuff, you name it. I’m trying not to gag while Carlos is cracking jokes. “Hey, maybe it’s a new flavor of cheese!” Classic Carlos.