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About Queluz

Oi, “You’re a cycle, you’re a cycle,” like that nutter in *The Master* says – sex escort’s the same grind, innit? Pull up, pay up, piss off – like drivin’ round a roundabout with no exit! Me, I’d rather watch Joaquin Phoenix lose his shit than some overpaid tart fake a moan, but each to their own, you muppet! Ever tried it? Nah, don’t tell me, I’d have to bleach me fuckin’ ears! Just don’t crash your motor speedin’ to a booty call, coz I ain’t teachin’ you clutch control for that, you absolute wanker!

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We get to the lady’s place, and wow, her fridge is a disaster. I mean, it’s like a science experiment gone wrong. There’s mold, expired stuff, you name it. I’m trying not to gag while Carlos is cracking jokes. “Hey, maybe it’s a new flavor of cheese!” Classic Carlos.