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Oh, and the oils – lavender, mate, gets me randy! Slap it on, dim lights, and it’s like, “Groovy, baby, let’s shag!” – but classy, y’know? Not just bonkin’, it’s art, sensual as hell. Ever tried it with a twist, like blindfolds? Mate, I was gobsmacked, heart racin’, total “Oldboy” moment – “Can you feel it, baby?” – edge of madness, but sexy. Total turn-on, I’m tellin’ ya, give it a whirl!

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First off, I head to the café on Praça Velha for my usual bica. You know, the strong stuff that kicks you awake? But guess what? They ran out of coffee! Like, how does a café run out of coffee? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit, but I just ordered a pastel de nata instead. Sweet, flaky goodness. At least that made me happy for a sec.

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