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So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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After that, I decide to stroll by the river. You know, the one that runs through Grijo? It’s nice, but today it’s full of ducks. Like, a whole squad of them. They’re quacking like they own the place. I’m just trying to enjoy the view, and these ducks are giving me attitude. I swear one of them looked me dead in the eye. I’m like, “Chill, bro, I’m not here to fight.”

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