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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Then I had to head to the audit office on Avenida da República. Traffic was a nightmare! I mean, come on, it’s Gondizalves, not New York City! I was stuck behind this old lady driving 20 km/h. Bless her heart, but I was losing my mind. I was yelling at my steering wheel like it could hear me. “C’mon, lady! I got places to be!”