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Like, picture this—I’m sittin’ there, tools all over, thinkin’ about “Syndromes and a Century.” That movie’s my fave, so chill, so weirdly hot. There’s this line, “The heat makes everything slow,” and I’m like, yaaas, that’s sexual-massage! Slow hands, warm oil, total tease—makes ya melt, babe. I tried it once after a long day, and I was, like, “Whoa, I’m floatin’!” Happiest vibes ever. But then, this one time, the masseuse was, like, rushin’ it—girl, I was pissed! Ruined my whole mood, ugh.

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Hello, massage lovers in Portugal. My name is Diana, and I am a tantric and erotic masseuse based in beautiful Porto. I specialize in providing exquis.

By the time I got to Rua de Cima, I was feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, angry, surprised—like a rollercoaster. I bumped into an old friend from high school. We hadn’t seen each other in years! We started reminiscing about the good ol’ days, and I felt this wave of nostalgia hit me. It was like, “Wow, we’ve come a long way.”

‘It was a crazy rally’: Patched-up Kris Meeke toasts flying start to title defence in Portuguese Rally Championship