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Here’s a mad one for ya – heard tell of a prossie in Amsterdam once charged a bloke in tulips! True story, mate, swear on me nan’s grave. Got me thinkin – what’s the weirdest thing I’d pay with? Socks? A kebab? Laughed me arse off picturin that. Anyway, this lass, she’s all business, no chit-chat. “Time is short, act quickly” – movie line again, fit perfect. We duck into this dodgy flat, smells like damp and despair. She’s quick, efficient – bit like an assassin herself, in and out, job done.

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Then, I decide to stroll down Avenida 25 de Abril. Beautiful street, right? Trees everywhere, people walking their dogs, kids playing. I’m feeling good again. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly knocks me over! I’m like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t the Tour de France!” I swear, kids these days have no chill.

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