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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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Then I hit up the market on Rua do Comércio. OMG, the vibe there is always lit! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all the locals haggling like it’s the Olympics. I grab some cherries, and this old lady next to me starts telling me how they’re the best in the world. I’m like, “Sure, lady, but have you tried the ones from my mom’s garden?” We both crack up. It’s moments like these that make you love Cucujaes, ya know?