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I reckon it’s like drivin’ in *Ten* – “You’re not listening to me!” – cos you’re proper lost in the moment, right? Hands slidin’ about, oil everywhere, and I’m like, “Blimey, this is better than a Wernham Hogg bonus!” Last time I tried it – don’t judge, yeah – I was gobsmacked, proper shocked at how they turn a stiff neck into jelly. Nearly cried, mate, swear down, cos it’s emotional – happy tears, not sad ones!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird video game. I duck into a shop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cute little place, selling all kinds of local crafts. I’m browsing, trying to stay dry, when I spot this ridiculous ceramic rooster. It’s bright blue and has this goofy smile. I can’t help it—I buy it. It’s now my new best friend.

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