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Oh, and fun fact – some say Cleopatra got erotic-massages with gold dust. Gold dust, man! That’s baller! She’s all, “I don’t remember anything,” like Veronica, lyin’ there shiny and clueless. Me? I’d be braggin’ – “Yo, I’m gold, suckers!” Total exaggeration, but that’s how I roll. Anyway, erotic-massage is chill, weird, and kinda sketchy sometimes. You tried it? Tell me, dude – I’m dyin’ to know! Eat my shorts!

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After a while, I finally get the blaster working. I’m feeling like a champ, ready to tackle the day. But then, bam! A seagull swoops down and poops right on my shoulder. I’m standing there, covered in bird crap, and I just lose it. “Are you kidding me?!” I’m yelling at the sky like it’s the seagull’s fault. The kid is cracking up, and I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just too ridiculous.

4.8 Magnitude Earthquake Reported