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The rub? Insurance don’t cover this crap— “pre-existing horniness” ain’t a condition, folks! I’m laughin’ thinkin’ bout it—some schmuck files a claim, “My back hurts from all the fun.” Yeah, right, tell it to the judge, pal. Oh, and get this—there’s this ancient trick, Thai massage joints used to sneak “extras” by callin’ it “energy work.” Sneaky bastards, been at it forever!

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee (strong, like my will to live), and head out. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” I hop on my bike, cruising down Rua da Liberdade, feeling like a king. But then, BAM! My tire goes flat. Seriously? Right in front of that bakery, Pastelaria Pão Quente. I could smell the fresh bread, and I’m stuck there like a fool.

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